Dude! Sorry about your couch...

4/20

Dear B.A. and Bookaki,

So sorry about that hole I burned in your couch.

Love,
Your Special Friend

Special Olympics Soccer?

Did I ever tell you the story when I was asked what kinds of sports I like to watch and I said "Special Olympics Soccer"?


Yes. It's a true story.


It was back in the days of volunteering for the 'like the Peace Corps but not the Peace Corps' gig. It was when I met Ava's mama and the whole 90210 crew, it was like I was Brenda except I moved from Syracuse not Minnesota and didn't have a twin brother and didn't live in Beverly Hills and my name isn't Brenda.

Any who, everyone is giving normal answers like, " I don't like sports." "The Yankees." "Gator football." "NBA." "Hockey." but then it's my turn to answer and my response is, "Well I never really like watching sports but since we volunteered at the Special Olympics Soccer Tournament...I like watching that."


So our team leader says to me, laughing and with WTF written on her face
"Sooooooo...you like to watch Special Olympics Soccer - is that your answer?!"

Can't get into this blog? There's help for you here...

OK so my friends and I were sitting around a table at the BK Lounge (real location is withheld for protection) giggling and so forth with favorite movie lines being espoused...mine being the two -parter:

"Are you fucking retarded?!"
with the ultimate rebuttal being
"Do you want me to be fucking retarded?!"

Alas, this blog (this glorious piece of Internet paradise) was created by the one and only 'no-I-won't-fix-your-computer' B.A. (as his wife affectionately yells) but some refer to him as 'Spent'.

The premise I had in my mind was to just post stuff that would make either yourself - fucking retarded, or make one poise the question to the general public about another party being fucking retarded. Without the 'fucking' part, it's just not funny. Wouldn't you agree?

Words of wisdom

"You put the bone in Zamboni!"

-Chazz Michael Michaels

Drinking While Driving a Zamboni in New Jersey is Legal?

"According to a New Jersey superior court, it is perfectly legal to operate a Zamboni while good and liquored up, because the ice resurfacing machine cannot be operated on a roadway, and it cannot take passengers."

Read more ->

Bikini Firefighter Burned

You have got to be kidding.

"The bikini-wearing Ohio man, 46, got himself arrested Tuesday on drunk driving and public indecency charges at Mason's Heritage Oak Park. As seen in the police evidence photos on the following pages, local police extensively memorialized the arrest, from 360-degree views of Cole in his "very skimpy woman's blue bikini" to the contents of his duffle bag, which was stuffed with other swimwear and women's shoes. One profile shot provides a clear view of the "tan water balloons" Cole, pictured at right, used to fill out his bikini top. As noted in a police report, an aggrieved citizen, Troy Harphant, told Officer Scott Miller that "you need to lock up that pervert" after he spotted Cole allegedly fondling himself."

-via thesmokinggun

50 foot Michael Jackon Robot to roam Las Vegas desert

Oh did I mention the part about lasers shooting out of its eyes? No this is not a plot from South Park. That was Barbra Streisand and Robert Smith. Sadly this is not just a cartoon.

If built, the metal monster would apparently be visible to aircraft as they come in to land in the casino capital.

It is the centerpiece of an elaborate Jackson-inspired show in Vegas, according to Andre Van Pier, the robot's designer.

Luckman Van Pier, his partner at the company behind the proposal, claims blueprints have been drawn up for the show and seen by the star.

"Michael's looked at the sketches and likes them," he told the New York Daily News.

On the subject of the robot, he continued: "It would be in the desert sands. Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying in would see."

As absolutely retarded as this sounds I do have to admit a bit of envy. A giant robot in my image smashing building along the Las Vegas strip would be kinda cool. There is no word on the creation of little children robots for the MJ robot's amusement.