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OK so my friends and I were sitting around a table at the BK Lounge (real location is withheld for protection) giggling and so forth with favorite movie lines being espoused...mine being the two -parter:

"Are you fucking retarded?!"
with the ultimate rebuttal being
"Do you want me to be fucking retarded?!"

Alas, this blog (this glorious piece of Internet paradise) was created by the one and only 'no-I-won't-fix-your-computer' B.A. (as his wife affectionately yells) but some refer to him as 'Spent'.

The premise I had in my mind was to just post stuff that would make either yourself - fucking retarded, or make one poise the question to the general public about another party being fucking retarded. Without the 'fucking' part, it's just not funny. Wouldn't you agree?

Words of wisdom

"You put the bone in Zamboni!"

-Chazz Michael Michaels

Drinking While Driving a Zamboni in New Jersey is Legal?

"According to a New Jersey superior court, it is perfectly legal to operate a Zamboni while good and liquored up, because the ice resurfacing machine cannot be operated on a roadway, and it cannot take passengers."

Read more ->

Bikini Firefighter Burned

You have got to be kidding.

"The bikini-wearing Ohio man, 46, got himself arrested Tuesday on drunk driving and public indecency charges at Mason's Heritage Oak Park. As seen in the police evidence photos on the following pages, local police extensively memorialized the arrest, from 360-degree views of Cole in his "very skimpy woman's blue bikini" to the contents of his duffle bag, which was stuffed with other swimwear and women's shoes. One profile shot provides a clear view of the "tan water balloons" Cole, pictured at right, used to fill out his bikini top. As noted in a police report, an aggrieved citizen, Troy Harphant, told Officer Scott Miller that "you need to lock up that pervert" after he spotted Cole allegedly fondling himself."

-via thesmokinggun

50 foot Michael Jackon Robot to roam Las Vegas desert

Oh did I mention the part about lasers shooting out of its eyes? No this is not a plot from South Park. That was Barbra Streisand and Robert Smith. Sadly this is not just a cartoon.

If built, the metal monster would apparently be visible to aircraft as they come in to land in the casino capital.

It is the centerpiece of an elaborate Jackson-inspired show in Vegas, according to Andre Van Pier, the robot's designer.

Luckman Van Pier, his partner at the company behind the proposal, claims blueprints have been drawn up for the show and seen by the star.

"Michael's looked at the sketches and likes them," he told the New York Daily News.

On the subject of the robot, he continued: "It would be in the desert sands. Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying in would see."

As absolutely retarded as this sounds I do have to admit a bit of envy. A giant robot in my image smashing building along the Las Vegas strip would be kinda cool. There is no word on the creation of little children robots for the MJ robot's amusement.

Million Dollar Laptops

By appointment only you can now drop a cool million dollars on a laptop at some high end London boutique outlet. Oh goodie! Just what do you get for a million dollars? An anti-glare 17 inch LED backlit display that is self cleaning; I guess that's so you don't have to bother your servants, 128GB solid state hard drive, and a fancy-pants slot loading blue-ray player. There are many large diamonds included but we are assured that they have been incorporated in a tasteful fashion. Minimizing the risk you will be called a pompous twat for dropping a million bucks on a laptop.

Luvaglio CEO Rohan Sinclair Luvaglio told Gizmag earlier today: “Unlike many of the highly priced products being released, we took our time to develop something out of the ordinary with real attention to detail. “

“I didn't want us to simply re-house a laptop into a diamond studded casing, or diamond encrust the entire thing simply to make it expensive. We've put thought in from the keyboard down to the power charger. There is an integrated screen cleaning device and a very rare coloured diamond piece of jewellery that doubles up as the power button when placed into the laptop and also acts as security identification. We have used diamonds elsewhere but have given them purpose.”

Gizmag has more on the laptop if you are interested. But let's make a quick comparison as to what you could do with a million dollars other than blow it on this magical laptop. For $5,600 you can get an Alienware laptop with 400 GB RAID, 2 GB RAM, dual 512MB NVidia® GeForce™ Go 7900 GTX video cards, and a 19 inch screen. If you are a mac dude, you can max out their 17 inch macbook pro at around $3,500. In either case this leaves quite a chunk of change to splurge on other items.

Let's see a fully loaded Porsche 911 Turbo will run you about $130,000. We are still $65,000 short of a fifth of the price of the laptop. So lets allocate that $65 grand for a top of the line ski boat, a Correct Craft Air Nautique 226. Now we are up to about $200k. For another $725k you can get a 3,630 sq/ft house in Orlando with access to the Butler chain of lakes. This allows you to wake board in front of Tiger Wood's house if you so desire. The extra $75k you can spend on coke and strippers throwing an extravagant house warming party. Or you could get a 420 hp Audi RS 4 and have enough cash leftover to purchase a laptop in two years that is twice as fast as your million dollar diamond encrusted computer.

Ghost Riding Retards

Westside niggaz 4 life dawg! Ghost riding made it's glorious debut in the Bay area and was made popular by the local hip-hop scene. Something to be proud of no doubt. As you can see in this video the practice is rather silly and quite dangerous. Thankfully they only injured themselves. Fucking retards.